Well, it’s not an easy job, but someone’s gotta do it.
My name is Laura, and I am the Fall Grinch.
Oh, what’s that I hear? You don’t understand how anyone can not love cool temperatures, falling leaves, sweaters, and boots? Well, I’ll tell you why. My nose is dripping and my toes are cold when I walk my dog in the mornings. My vitamin D level is probably getting dangerously low due to my lack of sun exposure. The pool is closed. This sweater is itchy. Summer vacations are over. Fresh blueberries, cantaloupes, tomatoes, zucchini, cherries, and strawberries are no longer in season. My skin is taking on a ghastly, ghost-y, pale-ish hue.
And what’s more, you fall lovers totally stole my season from me. Fall officially started on September 23rd. And yet, crazy folks everywhere were shoving fall-colored clothing and pumpkin spice lattes in my face practically by August 1st. My last blissful weeks of summer were co-opted by the fall fanatics’ antics.
And while we’re on the topic of pumpkin spice lattes…can we chat for a sec about how out of control pumpkin spice has gotten? Actually, I’m not even going to say anything, because this Buzzfeed article already said it for me.
Fall colors? Don’t even get me started. We all know burnt orange walks a fine line between artsy and vomit. Give me turquoise and coral any day over this depressing lineup of scarves and jackets walking down the street.
Just be gentle with me if I seem a little edgy when you start gushing for the 50 millionth time about how wonderful this so-called “crisp” air feels.